halfcactus

( Manga/manhua/manhwa )
( Movies: Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes; Nezha 2; The Substance )
( TV: Bai Yao Pu (Fairies Album) S1; I Am Married... But!!! )

( Books: Straw into Gold - Fairy Tales Respun )

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RECENTLY:

Finished Cheese in the Trap (manhwa) and Ya She (donghua).

Watched the "new" Justice in the Dark eps (eps# 9 and 10). "Watched" is a pretty generous way of saying "relied on my memory of the audio drama to understand what's going on". The "zero empathy" thing and DNA talk continue to befuddle me, though they mostly seem to be focused on the argument of nature VS nurture and what that means for Pei Su. It's quite interesting that they made LWZ's mentor's daughter a co-intern in this adaptation, it integrates her more into the plot and emotional themes since she was mostly offscreen in the original work. I'm trying to ~~relearn how to GIF~~ post GIFs on Tumblr and my fandom Bluesky but tbh my fandom energy has been on the decline and my ability to focus worse... it's already a miracle that I managed to watch two whole eps in a week.

Feeling a bit anxious in light of global news, because the repercussions of certain US policies might eventually ripple into my livelihood, but I'm trying not to think too much about it.

After months of being bald, the tree (I think it might be narra?) across the street has finally sprouted bright new leaves and has been practicing how to flower. :) I was actually really worried it was dying because it grows on concrete and seemed withered for so long and its "seasons" seemed out of sync with the rest of the trees along the street, but the vicious summer seems to have brought it back to life.

I'm still paper-journaling faithfully. Four months in and no blank pages, thanks to the manhwa I write about and the smatterings of cmedia that have me drawing new vocabulary. It's the only thing that feels tangible and real these days.

Goddess of Yesterday: A Tale of Troy by Caroline B. Cooney

A retelling of events leading up to the Trojan War. Because it's largely driven by fate, I didn't find the main character (Anaxandra) particularly compelling, but I thought she was a very effective POV character. The world felt tangible in her eyes, and it made sense to me how, throughout the series of childhood separations, she always tried to grasp and hold on to love, but did not fight rejection. Someone smarter than me can probably make the different types of love alignment chart...

Liked: the characterization of Helen + the Medusa bits + the Cassandra twist in the end

(Read this because

superborb wrote about it here and it seemed short enough for me... It still took me a couple of weeks to finish. XD Like her, I enjoyed the first parts the most!)

My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness by Kabi Nagata (translated by Jocelyne Allen)

An autobiographical meditation on loneliness, sexuality, and mental illness + journey towards purpose.

The manga begins with the story's destination—the main character naked in a bed with a female escort—and cuts back to answer the question of what propelled her into making this bizarre life choice.

I thought that belonging somewhere, having somewhere to go everyday = me. I lost the things that had given me shape, and as they disappeared, I felt like I was dissolving into thin air.

I thought that belonging somewhere, having somewhere to go everyday = me. I lost the things that had given me shape, and as they disappeared, I felt like I was dissolving into thin air.

This hit me very hard, and only partly because of the relatability and specificity of what it expressed. I was fully invested in the author's journey, and felt relieved and proud during each of her breakthroughs. Because of the way she sets down every individual episode into a logical path in retrospect, there's a feeling of progress and catharsis, and it gets more emotional as you take in how it took her around ten years to get there. Seeing how much time, effort, desire, and therapy it took to move her forward made me feel so hopeful both for her and for myself, a person who has yet to find the "sweet nectar of life" (reasons to wake up and function). :P It was also very sweet to see the adults obliquely rooting for her as she scrambled to get a "real adult job" as a young college dropout!

The author's relationship with her gender and sexuality at the time of writing was a work in progress, identifying as lesbian but not fully identifying as a girl, with sexual expectations that were shaped by 1) a lack of sex education 2) erotic BL manga/doujinshi that were representative of neither reality nor her sexuality.
Looking at a photo of a shirtless male body: He sure is naked; Looking at a photo of a sexy female body: Saving this!!

Looking at a photo of a shirtless male body: He sure is naked; Looking at a photo of a sexy female body: Saving this!!

Content warnings: self-harm (seen in the scars), eating disorder/disordered eating, anxiety, depression and other unnamed mental illnesses

Started reading: 她属于我 She Belongs to Me by 妲婴 Da Ying

I hesitate to say I'm reading this because I've mostly just downloaded + converted the JJWXC chapters to a format readable on my phone ereader + Pleco (using this script to generate the epub and a random website to convert to txt...) so I have something to look at when I'm stuck in a bank queue or waiting room. (Pre-pandemic, this was the only way I read cnovels so the habit kind of stuck even though I spend significantly less time doing any physical banking now.) ^^;

I actually have no idea what this book is about, other than

douqi recommending it as a short, light, and wholesome modern-day read... I didn't even bother reading the summary haha. I also didn't realize until today that the cover art is so! Pretty!!! And intriguing!

In terms of readability (as someone who has weak vocabulary and reading ability): I got intimidated with chapter 1 because it felt like there was a lot of plot/drama and some vagueness going on, but it ended at a place that I think I might be able to follow. \o/

I thought the romance was going to be between the MC (married) and her childhood love (pregnant and married—apparently unhappily—to a man) at first, which would have been potentially interesting if done well but much more likely to be... not. It seems like it's actually between the MC and her affluent businesswoman wife? It's a sort of a consensual temporary marriage arrangement for reasons detailed in the chapter 1 exposition. I'm actually kind of into this dynamic, especially with both women appearing competent in their respective career paths, so we'll see! At least it's only 57 chapters. XD

I kinda want to do a reading log, but I'm really struggling with platforms right now... I should probably just write my notes on my physical journal but that requires a different frame on mind...

EDIT: I just found out that there is a fantranslation that hasn't been updated since chapter 40... I feel less stupid/alone now for my moments of confusion hahahaha. I don't know if it's still appropriate to leave translation feedback in the comments since it's been 3 years since the blog was updated and I'm not exactly qualified to say anything........

September... flew. I had to go back and reread my own tweets to remember what happened. /o\

Media log

他們都說我遇到了鬼 by 青色羽翼 (English: They All Say I Met a Ghost by Cyan Wings)
This was a book club read, and we finished the main novel right before Mid-autumn Festival which was apt and fortunate in light of Mid-Autumn busy-ness.

TL;DR - I agree with

superborb's review which includes a handy synopsis!

My main thought about this book is that I think it works best in other mediums where other PoVs can be more organically incorporated: I've listened to bits of the audiodrama and enjoyed it, but I think it would be even better as a visual medium like a comic or an animated series. The writing is best when it stages the comedic scenes that highlight the differences between what Shen Jianguo (the main character) sees and what other characters see.

To me the book has a very rocky start, but gets better: when we first meet Shen Jianguo, the dense-ness of his PoV felt overdone. Between his exaggerated obliviousness, and the confusing circumstances of the first ghost he meets (Mr. Saw), I wasn't sure it was my type of humor. But I think these were the chapters where the author was still figuring out how to write the book and the characters. The writing and humor certainly get more refined as you go on—my level of engagement peaked between chapters 13 to 30, before the author rushed their way towards the ending.

The women are written so lovingly! My favorite parts were all the arcs involving the girl ghosts. The author really took their time with telling their stories, making for the most heartwarming resolutions and bittersweet partings. When you see the MC interact with the girl ghosts, you understand why he was so popular with school AND why the ML falls in love with him. These are the parts that shone for me the most. The author's end-of-chapter skits for the girls' ending were also really funny.

The romance was smooth, stress-free, and basically just a side dish. I enjoyed it more for how the romance characterized Shen Jianguo than what the relationship or the ML (an exorcist from a well-known family) was like.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this book for the middle bits. XD It's a nice and easy book if you want a short and funny story with a gay main character who's very comfortable and confident in his sexuality (and his pecs!). Although there is some romance, the overall vibe of this novel was very gen! Also, apart from being a poor grad student, the main character was completely self-sufficient and did NOT need any saving at all, which was nice! He's very athletic and earnest.

CONTENT NOTES: gruesome deaths (though the writing is very good at focusing more on the afterlife), bullying and abuse (of ghosts in their former lives), and the MC's unquestioning trust in the entire justice system

Couple of Mirrors

Also known as the 12-episode Republican era GL show! Or, as our groupwatch lovingly calls it, murder wives.

Once again linking to superborb's entry on this, because anything I wanted to say, she already said. https://superborb.dreamwidth.org/476320.html

And here is my gif/livetweet thread.

Things I made in September

Kamen Rider Build stickers: this was a collaboration with

lunarflares and

hoodlessmads. We wanted to thank

kuyamars for streaming the ENTIRE show for us and also for drawing Chihayafuru fanart for EACH of us during our Chihayafuru groupwatch!

[fanvid] Kamen Rider Build - Seishun Amigo: This has a target audience of 1 (me). I firmly believe that Seishun Amigo should be the theme song to the Kamen Rider Build movie, and needed to make my vision a reality. The lyrics match PERFECTLY, you can't change my mind.

A Mid-Autumn Dice Game cheat sheet: My Chinese side comes from a part of Xiamen/Fujian where the Mid-Autumn practice is to play a dice game for prizes (traditionally mooncakes of different sizes, but we just customize our prizes). This year my brother suddenly wanted to ~revive tradition~ so I designed a visual guide for winning dice combinations. :P I made a colored one but it has mistakes I'm too lazy to edit, and this black-and-white printer-friendly one where you can color in the dice yourself. Anyway the most notable thing about it is that I drew the diagrams on Google Slides. Very pleased that we can do that now!

Currently

Watching: The Justice:

A Republican era show about banking, marriages of conveniences, and revenge. Cast includes Zhang Xincheng and Cai Wenjing as the leads, with Liang Jie as one of the supporting characters. I wouldn't recommend this show, but I think it's very good at telling women's stories. It has a very complex and refreshingly consistent FL that I find is very challenging to play! I'm halfway through and I think I'm starting to genuinely enjoy it (the fallout of the first 20 eps), but IMO they should have just removed most of the ML's scenes from the first half, which I felt were a waste of airtime––especially since his character is just an empty suit of plot armor and contradictions.

What I enjoy the most about it is the FL's other relationships. She has such fun and genuine relationships with other people that the main romance feels very fake (which is not aided by the ML being, in gixi's words, a cryptid). This is definitely a script issue because the actress thought so too. And I wonder if that contributed to how reluctant and emotionally flat her character seemed in the scenes where the intent was romantic tension.

Livetweet thread (with occasional gifs, if ZXC is stripping) here.

Reading: The Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky: This is my first time reading a poetry collection designed with a narrative structure, and while I knew what I was getting into (I've read excerpts before), I almost immediately had to put it down because of how distressing it was. :( It's a book about a stageplay about a nation that decided to turn deaf after a soldier shot a deaf child. The writing and images are extremely evocative. (I'm especially sensitive to child harm so I haven't been able to pick this back up.)

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